Littlest Gun Bunny

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(Written by Brian Webb)

The three Black-hats stood in the depths of the Fenship they had run down, watching a fourth slowly cutting through a heavy door with a plasma torch. Behind the door they could hear the faint sounds of the ship's crew who had taken refuge there.

"How long 'til you're in Mr. Green?" the tallest of the Black-hats asked.

He was wearing an armoured vac-suit, 'waved ballistic armour over 'waved dry-suit and SCUBA. He held a sub-machine gun loosely in his hands as he leaned against the bulkhead.

Mr. Green looked up in annoyance and quickly back at his work. The torch had already melted through half of the lock. "Soon," he grunted. "The door's tough, but they only put in two dead bolts. What are you so impatient for, you think someone's going to come help them way out here, Mr White?"

White snorted inside his mask. "That meeting they're having at Phobos? Nah, they'll never decide on anything. And even if they did, what would they do to us, tell us to stop, and when that doesn't work, tell us to stop again?"

"No, this ship's supposed to have a guard o' somekind. I'd feel better knowing where he was."

"Don't worry Boss," spoke up one of the other two. "He's probably hiding in there with the rest of them. And if he ain't, Mr. Blue and those two are almost done checking the ship. It ain't big enough for someone to hide much longer."

Far aft of the locked cabin three more Black-hats were walking. Two had bored expressions and were trying to cajole the third into moving faster. He kept glancing behind them, a worried look on his face.

"Come on, we're done, there's no one here," one said.

"We're going to miss all the fun," the second complained.

The third glared at them. "And I'm telling you I hear something," he said.

The others rolled their eyes and continued on. "Blue, you've been out here too long. There's nothing here," said the first.

Behind them Blue turned and stepped back into the passage they had just left. He was listening intently. There, barely audible above the sounds of the ship. It was getting closer, moving slowly and methodically.




He raised his pistol, watching for movement as the faint sound came closer in the darkened passage. The muzzle flashes were shockingly close when they erupted, and not from where he was looking at all.

The other two hadn't made it far enough away to miss the strangely muted sound of gunfire, or the thump of something heavy hitting the deck. They were already in firing positions, facing the intersection Mr. Blue had vanished around when they finally heard it, accelerating towards them.


Then something burst around the corner, diving across the passage and going almost horizontal, twin SMGs firing as it went. The two managed to squeeze off a handful of shots on pure reflex and then it was over.

Back at the locked door Mr. White was trying to raise Mr. Blue on the radio. "Mr. Blue... Mr. Blue report!" he growled into the mic. "Mr. Lightish Red..."

Nothing but static answered him as he cursed into the radio.

His two companions started down the corridor at his gesture, only to be met by a trio of miniature rockets. They were blown backwards, strands of rapidly expanding ludicrous string wrapping around them as they fell, immobilized, to the deck.

They had not finished falling when the tiny figure dashed past them, discarding the spent rocket launcher and drawing a miniature katana from within her French maid's uniform. Bullets from the over-sized pistol in her other hand bounced off of Mr. White's armour and he returned fire, spraying the corridor.

He missed as his target leapt, bouncing off one wall, and then the other, before flashing past him at arm level, blade out and pistol firing at something beyond him. There was a sudden burning pain in his elbow as the katana sliced through the thinner armour there, then she was past him.

He spun, barely hearing Mr. Green's curse as he tried to shut down the damaged torch, and saw a pair of tiny booties as they impacted against his face plate, driving him to the deck with an almighty squeak.

Mr. Green had just managed to shut off the torch when he looked up. Standing in front of him was a doll, katana leveled. He stared down the length of the blade and into her expressionless face for a long time, then he raised his hands. "I surrender."

Later, as the Just Read the Instructions was limping towards safety HoiHoi-san stood before her companion as that young woman hugged her knees to her chest and moaned, "so much carnage..."