Mad Laughter
Strong men wept. Women screamed. Ninja went for cover and looked for weapons. Several animate but not biological objects shuffled nervously away, trying not to capture the attention of the two men whose evil laughter filled to concourse...
And it had all started so innocently, with nothing more than a stated opinion...
"...sure that the Professor doesn't actually have any military-grade handwavium. After all there are still nine planets in the Solar System..."
"Eight planets," corrected Mickey.
"Eight planets?" I asked. "Are you sure?" All three of the genin nodded. "Hmm, well maybe I'm wrong then. Which one did he blow up?"
"I think that what Mickey means is that Pluto doesn't count as a planet," Lacus clarified.
"What do you mean Pluto doesn't count as a planet?" I demanded.
"There was a decision by one of the 'Dane astronomical organisations -" Mickey explained.
"Well, if you want to tell thirteen yottagrams of fast-moving ice and rock that it isn't a planet, I wouldn't suggest standing in front of it while you do so. Well I guess he doesn't have any then. QED - if he did, we'd be missing a planet," I said confidently.
What I hadn't noticed was that the object of our conversation had walked up behind me. "Wrong!" was suddenly screamed almost into my ear. If I hadn't been desensitised to loud noises by the din from the stage, I would surely have been deafened.
Suddenly feeling a pressure behind my knees I collapsed into the chair that just appeared, followed by a too small desk, trapping me in the chair as the Professor walked out in front of us. Glancing to my side in the rapidly darkening room I noticed the ninja where also trapped, while Catty was setting up some sort of kludged together device that might once have been a projector.
Putting on a square academic cap such as seen on graduations the Professor tapped the blackboard that suddenly appeared behind him. "You are tracking the wrong variable, what you should analyze is the variance of the number of planets," he lectured while tapping the blackboard where a chibi-professor was gleefully building and destroying planets.
The three genin all looked at the animated chalk drawing with wide eyes. Handwavium was old news to them, but until you see the results of working with it raw, you don't appreciate just what a genius like the Professor can do with it. Lacus, for her part, looked troubled. I scratched my chin and opened my mouth to speak. A high velocity length of chalk clipped my ear and I took the hint, raising one hand to petition for the privilege of asking a question of the Professor. In the interval of his considering this important decision, the chalked professor had gotten busy inventing something on the projection screen and Catty had to bring her pointer down on Julie's desk to redirect her attention back to the Professor.
"So I should be looking for suspiciously new planets being discovered?" I asked once I had received his permission to do so. "Does that mean that you are making progress on the development of a Genesis Device?"
There was an intake of breath from several Trekkies and other Fens who were at least familiar enough with the film's to recognise the reference. That number included Lacus and Mickey, but Toby and Julie didn't seem to recognise it. Kids these days. No respect for the classics!
The Professor was the centre of attention as we all waited for an answer to this burning question. "No, I had almost built one but then I used parts of it for my Portable-Classroom. What use is the advancement of Science when we don't pass it on to the next generation!"
There was a rush of relief, and then some nervous looks at the projector. While the Mars Terraforming Project was still years (decades) from completion, the creation of an M-Class planet in a low orbit of Mars would probably not do anything to benefit the process.
Judging by the level of redness around the Professor's eyes and the relative lack of tension in the shoulders of his lovely assistants, I judged that he had probably had at least a little sleep in the last week. So I could play this safely, or...
"But in the absence of a ready means of replacing a planet, doesn't the fact that we're not facing a delpleted number of them indicate that my previous hypothesis was correct, Professor?" Heck with safe! "Or are you adhering to the Prime Time Directive?" This was a little obscure for the rest of the audience, so I expanded my query by quoting said Directive: "Put Things Back Where You Find Them'."
"Excellent question. Well without a ready means of replacing planets I wanted to further my research on the existing planets before even thinking about destroying them. Irresponsibility like that is what gives all scientist a bad name. Really how would we study Gas Giant weather patterns without a significant sample? But fear not I shall resume work on my Genesis Device shortly! For the POWER OF SCIENCE! MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
The Professor's laughter echoed across the Promenade like a mad thing. I had to confess that I was impressed. Challenge his other credentials as you will, there was no doubt that this was the Fen who had taken the victory in three successive Evil Overlord Laughter contests with his famous Mad Scientist style.
But then there was another voice to the laugh. In the blink of an eye I had freed myself and now I stood behind him, in full view of the four from Hidden Asteroid and added my Triumphant Cackling to the mix. "FAUHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"FAUHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
A desk went flying as Toby made his escape from it. He hesitated for a moment, before Lacus managed a strangled order. "Don't try it! Save yourself!"
He hesitated, torn between his orders and the ethos of the Hidden Asteroid: 'Ninja who abandon their teammates are lower than scum.'
"MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
"FAUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
It had been a busy day so far. I'd done my best hurricane impression at several clothing vendors, picking up a new wardrobe for myself. I even had new boots and running shoes, instead of the improvised flip-flops I'd been wearing earlier. Sadly, I was still in orange; I'd arranged for them to put tail holes into my pants, but that meant they'd be delivering things to my hotel later in the day. That left me stuck with orange for now, but at least I could look forward to other colors tomorrow.
I'd also managed to replace my lab coat in my new size. It wasn't quite as elaborate as my old one, but I'd managed to get 'The Jason' airbrushed across the back (along with some blooming rose vines twining around the letters) and EACHES stenciled on the front pocket, so I was happy. I was wearing that now over the orange stuff, my tail threaded out a newly-made hole in the back. I wandered through the Con, taking in the sights. It had been a long time since I'd had so much ENERGY at a convention, and I was enjoying every minute of it. I was also highly amused by some of the looks I was getting. I'm not sure if it was just the orange clothing and the monkey tail, or if they were having trouble parsing the idea of a Saiyajin mad scientist. I tilted my head, catching the faint sounds of mad laughter off in the distance, and arched an eyebrow. OK....that sounds like something to check out. Grinning, I headed off in the direction of the laughter.
I paused at the edge of the crowd. I recognized the Professor, of course. I'd dealt with him in the past. The other guy....Morden, I think his name was? They were laughing away, and the crowd was clearly getting nervous. I noticed a couple ninja trapped at school desks - dear gods, what had the Professor been up to this time? - and one that was free. The poor kid looked distressed, so I edged over to him, and tapped him on the back. Then took a step back as he whirled around. Jeez...jumpy ninja. He blinked, seeing me, and I grinned at him. "Heya, kid. Need some help?" I glanced over at the other ninja, then back to him. "Your teammates? And what's your name?"
He hesitated for a moment, then nodded, "Yeah...and I'm Toby."
I gave him a smile. "Good to meet you, Toby. I'm Kevin, some folks call me the Jason. I'll go distract the laughing boys. You free your teammates while I do, OK? We can chat a bit later maybe, after you get them out."
He gave me an absolutely grateful smile, and nodded again. "Thanks!"
I waved a hand. "No problem...." I started back around the crowd, so that I could come at the Professor from a direction that would put his back to the other ninja. I had an idea for a distraction that should be ideal. Time to laugh while I can....or should I call it putting a monkeywrench into the works? I snickered, then took a couple deep breaths. OK. My vocal range was a child's treble now, so I couldn't do my normal mad laugh. But if I went falsetto, I thought I could pull off a laugh in another Mad Scientist's style. Well...botanist, at any rate. Absolutely everybody agreed she was mad, though. Stepping towards the laughing duo, I tightened my diaphragm...and let loose a pealing "OHHHHHHH-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-hoooo!" It rang out over the deeper men's laughter, an assault on the ears by anyone's definition.
