The Boys

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Spacecraft Registry
The Boys: Doc, Dopey, Happy, Bashful, Sneezy, Grumpy, and Sleepy
Spacecraft Characteristics
Base HullChevy Suburban, various years
Drive TypeReactionless thrusters
Drive RatingMax velocity 0.08c
OwnerThe HSF
Flag of RecordHephaestus
Registry NumberHSF-10(0-6)
Primary CrewUp to 1 pilot and 4 passengers
Operational StatusActive
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The Hephaestus Space Fleet is home to a 'flock' of seven Chevy Suburbans, of varying years and personalities. 'Waved ECMs and auxiliary processors ended up providing a 'big doofy dog' level of intelligence for these vessels, and they are used as the day-to-day 'work trucks' of Hephaestus' mining operations. When the two shuttles are spoken for or busy, a Hephaestian Suburban may be seen in public, usually with someone playing fetch in the parking lot while someone else accomplishes the errand in question.

Known Vehicle Quirks

  • GIRL!: The Boys are quite defensive of and fond of Hephaestus' two shuttles, and will obey/help them over the desires of human personnel.
  • "Grunt!": The boys are capable of hauling pretty much anything that can be loaded into them or chained to them. Being a canine level intelligence, and well trained, they can also pull together in harness. Hephaestus has yet to find something too heavy to haul, heavier things just.. take a little longer to get going.
  • Land Shark: Small fast-moving objects of appropriate size are considered 'play items' to the boys, and they may break orders and attempt to play with them. Unless you have VERY good body armor and inertial shielding, don't be a small fast moving object. The boys won't intentionally hurt someone, but 8000 pounds of Suburban is a whole LOT of love, and there is seven of them.


  • The Boys are individually named after the Seven Dwarves of Snow White fame. This was in an attempt to make them more 'mining oriented', and does not appear to have worked in the slightest.
  • The Boys are not able to appear in public unescorted. They're just too damn dumb, and the amount of damage that can be caused by a Suburban who thinks your converted Winnebago looks 'cozy', or your flying VW looks like a chew toy, doesn't bear thinking of.
  • The Boys spontaneously reinforced their hoods and assimilated part of the grills into them during their 'waving. They may not have that durable of a jaw, relatively speaking, but they have jaws, and they do use them. The installation of synthetic myomer actuators for the hoods is regretted, but it's a bit late, and the boys do love to play fetch...


The Boys appear in the following stories: