Joseph Lacroix

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Joseph Lacroix
2nd First Minister of the Sozvezdie Soviet
In office
May 1, 2021 – incumbent
Preceded by Malaclypse Fnord
1st Minister of Justice and Equality of the Sozvezdie Soviet
In office
May 1, 2016 – incumbent
Preceded by office created
Personal details
Born Joseph Phillipe Lacroix
Feburary 26, 1978
Montreal, Quebec, Earth
Nationality Canadian
Political party Social Democrat
Spouse(s) Rachel Winchester (2014 - current)
Residence Korolevgrad, Luna
Profession Lawyer, activist
Religion Roman Catholic (lapsed)
As your attorney, I advise you not to worry.


The Order of St. Grimace’s first Canadian member was born to petit-bourgeois parents in Montreal and had a relatively ordinary petit-bourgeois life up until he reached university. It was around this time that he joined an Internet time-waster everybody called ‘The Game’ for lack of anything better to do, and that fateful decision marked him for the rest of his life. Sep played the game, and played it well, rising from one of many mooks all the way up to becoming a key contributor to The Game’s mythology and privy to the inner circles.

Out of university Sep was headhunted by a large American investment firm (that shall remain nameless) who were looking for fresh blood in their legal department. Entranced by the idea of working in New York he jumped at the chance, and quickly found out to his detriment that the high-powered lifestyle was nothing like what he’d imagined in the movies. Being part of the capitalist apparatus ground out much of Sep’s idealism and faith in humanity. Only his connections through The Game kept him from becoming another soulless yuppie drone like so many in Wall Street. Sep did his best to stay active, donated much of his salary to worthy causes and bided his time until he could devise a way out of this trap.

And then the wave broke and the renmants of the Order of St. Grimace met in person for the first time in years. Mal Fnord’s ambitious plan to get out into space appealed to Sep; like the rest of the Order he saw the potential for a fresh start in the new frontier, and more to the point he saw a chance to do some real, lasting good instead of being part of the problem. While Mal worked out the initial plans and made the calls and Deidre Griest brewed the necessary handwavium stocks, Sep threw himself into the mechanics of paying for all of this. Rationalizing that he was stealing from the one-percenters to feed a potential greater good he engineered a clever penny-shaving scheme on his old employer’s transactions and funneled that money into a series of anonymous accounts in the Caymans and elsewhere. Sep’s final ‘fuck you’ to his bosses provided the seed money the Order needed to purchase and move Buran 1.02, as well as lease the necessary hangar space to do the refit.

Once the Terror Gang had been outed and chased off the planet Sep found that being an intrepid space adventurer wasn’t for him. Oh it was fun at first, but seeking out new worlds and new civilizations wasn’t exactly his speed. Sep drifted into the administrative side of the Soviet Air Force, his first major project overseeing the construction of Korolev Air Force Base (GLaDOS is considered to be between 50% and 75% his fault), and working on writing the regulations that would make up the core of the Soviet Basic Law. His tireless efforts on making the best possible socialist cyberdemocracy liberated aristocratic money can buy earned him the post of Minister of Justice and Equality when the Soviets rebranded in 2016, and finally the First Ministership when Mal stepped down in 2021.

Handwavium Quirks/Abilities

Sep has always managed to play it safe with handwavium, and does not have any obvious quirks.

Random Facts & Personal Data

  • Sep married Rachel Winchester, a Super and member of SHIELD’s operations crew, in 2014. As of 2022 they are expecting their first child, a boy.
  • Zip, then fasten. (weirdo)
  • Is the only member of the original Terror Gang who doesn’t have any stick time on Ptichka. He claims it’s because he’s not interested, but it’s more like he doesn’t trust himself flying a multi-ton spaceship.
  • Is an avid fencer, which is how he met his wife oddly enough.
  • Was the only member of the Terror Gang to take a prized personal possession along with them on Ptichka’s wild ride; his antique motorcycle was safely tied down in the hold on takeoff.
  • His transaction-shaving programs, as of 2022, are still in place and still produce modest returns. Sep likes to distribute that money to various worthy causes via anonymous donation.


Isaac Asimov, Rex Stout, Jack Williamson, Octavia Butler, Kim Stanley Robinson, Valve games