Klondike III

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Spacecraft Registry
SS Klondike III
Spacecraft Characteristics
Base HullSternwheeler
Drive TypeReactionless thrusters (Gravitic Paddlewheel)
OwnerGalactic Mail and Cargo
Flag of RecordAustralia
FactionFendane (Canadian Security Intelligence Service)
Registry Number156744
Launched19 May 2007
PurposeIntersteller Mail and Cargo hauling; Keeping a “friendly” eye on the Fen
Primary CrewAllan Twigge (Captain)
James “Jimmy Potter” Masters (First Mate)
Joseph “Chibi-JoJo-Chan” Dahl (Engineer)
Josh “Flunky” Patterson (Flunky)
Katkat (Ship’s Cat)
Operational StatusActive
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(Created by Allan “Florin” Twigge)

Known Vehicle Quirks

  • Silent Treatment: The ship’s systems refuse to network, meaning that navigation has to be done on one system, course corrections done on another and drive speed controlled from the engine room. This also means that hacking anything other than communications is impossible from outside the ship.
  • Anti - Talent Field: No matter how much previous experience you have, no matter how much practicing you do, your attempts to play the violin are horrific crimes against music. This is unfortunate, since the only way to change the speed of the ship is by playing the violin.
  • Historical Preservation: The ship resists all attempts to make it look modern, microphones become speaking tubes, navigational displays become map tables and the helm is still a giant wooden wheel. No one is sure how exactly you can maneuver in 3D space with a wheel that only spins two ways, but it works.
  • Paddlewhat?: The paddle wheel spins faster the faster the ship is moving. Despite the complete lack of anything to paddle, the ship still generates a wake behind it.

Known Crew Quirks

  • Anime Hair: Captain Allan’s hair is almost an independent life form, changing its shape and color at random times, but always to a ridiculious anime style. This was caused by getting a face full of ’waved guacamole that some drunkard tossed out the window in Australia.
  • Just a Flunky: Josh Patterson has an almost supernatural ability to get into any place you might expect to find a menial worker or servant, and go completely unnoticed, even if the people in the room aren’t normally rude enough to ignore the hired help.

Auxiliary Vehicles

H.M.S Steamboat Willy: A ’waved U-HAUL cube truck, used as a cargo shuttle to places landing a water ship is impossible (i.e., almost anywhere but Earth).


  • Currently holds the record for Longest Known Completed Interstellar Trip, achieved while shipping out the Search for Extra Galactic Intelligence group.
  • Contains a truly impressive amount of Slapstick and conventional small arms.